Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
