I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize