Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize