Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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