He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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