Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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