In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
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You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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