she woke up with a sticky ear
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
