she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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