this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
