So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize