ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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