a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
