No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
