It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
