Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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