it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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