i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
