You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
