Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
