Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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