sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
