It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
