after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
