ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
