definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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