Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
and you fell through a lawn chair
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
