i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Fuck appropriateness.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
