What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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