just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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