PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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