she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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