Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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