I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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