Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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