just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
