I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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