would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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