You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
