I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have feelings that need drinking.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
