I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
