A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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