I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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