She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
