I wish I could punch you in the face.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
