fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
