She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
