i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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