you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
