as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Drunk is a universal language darling
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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