Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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