I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
