she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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