Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
