Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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