She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
