I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
