He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
FUCK WHALES
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
