Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
