i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
