I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
