he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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